underneath the smile : underneath the mask i wear.

april 22.

2008-04-23T02:25:27Z

since the last time i was on i've broken my pelvis, totaled a car, been beyond broken, got a new car, failed school, and started dating someone else. tylerlane<3 we started dating april 4 and he may not be a "pda" fanatic like me but he's sweet, can talk, and actually cares. gah i just hope to stay focused for the last month of school.

all i feel is agression, towards your sick sad excuse skeleton of a boy.

fatalliarxx @ 2007-11-12T02:21:00

2007-11-12T08:23:28Z

eek im at my friends house: meliisa and alex(the guy that i was talking too like last week) is here too. hahah and today i told him i got a boy friend earlier and he freaked the fuck out and was like imma kick your ass next time i sees you and hahah HE DIDNT. woot woot and we are bored and this past weekend has been so fun me and emilie are goood now and me and kyle are DATING. on 11/11 eeek lauren = happpy faseriouss <333

HOLLA.lauren

fatalliarxx @ 2007-11-07T22:48:00

2007-11-08T04:55:37Z

well, the past few days have been overdramatically fun. last weekend was so much fun, saterday we had a party at courneys which of course was hugely fun, and kylees went :). well, i got my car back tuesday and ever since ive been trying to catch up with people considering ive been punished for the past two months. well today was kyles birthday, and afi got him alot of nonsence gifts that i think he all in all liked haha. well after school me and him hung out at the mark and it was so picture perfect i cant evenexplain i think im falling for this guy more than i imagined, and i dont want tocatch myself. and connor who i havent talked to in forever called me and we caught up and this weekend coming up is going to hopefully be the shit. me and kyle are hanging out like all saterday !:) haha so many people from school think we are dating and i kinda like it which is weird for me considering i usually am not the dating type. haha idk i need to take this step by step but i kinda want something spontaneous at the same time. haha im weird as shit. and IM GETTING SO FRUSTRATED WITH MYSELF I CANT FUCKNG WRITE ANY SUBSTANTIAL LITERATURE. as well as after christmas emilie is leaving dunham and im so fucking sad because im probably never going to see her and were gonna be distant and im not going to talk to like anyone at schoool. :x ahh immma die. haha well imma go watch me some will and grace ill update later<3

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-28T00:44:00

2007-10-28T05:48:01Z

eek sorry i havent updated in a while, a few things have happened since then, well i got a kitty that im madly inlove with and shes just what i wantes, black with green eyes. hehehe and well im not talking to anyone so to speak im a lone ranger. ive have a few crushed but most of them have had girlfriends so yeah lacking in the boys department. but i saw my physciatrist and it was good in getting tested for depression, dixlexia, and adhd lol thats gonna be .. a blast lol but tonight i thought i saw my ex when i was driving with my mom to pick up my brother.. and i did and it was really weird because i didnt say hi but if i would have that would have been ever weirder, ugh idk im going to go sleep but ill update again soon <3

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-16T11:59:00

2007-10-16T17:04:32Z

hey hey hey. so update on my life: havent gone to school in the past two days + friday. hehe i realllly havent felt in the mood to go to school or see anyone there except emilie. but considering shes been skipping school too its all good. actually she just came to bring me a strawberry shake, EEEK YES. so yeah im talking to my ex boyfriend again hes so sweet -.- but i wanna seee him so bad. and i made a truuf to myself -- no mroe menthols after my pack im currently on because my throat hurts now im watching ryan shecklers life thing in mtv hehe .. quite entertaining. hes really not that cute to me but ahh it happens.

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-13T01:04:00

2007-10-13T06:11:57Z

yeah so about that boyfriend that ive been bitching about -- dont have him anymore. haha im so sad i cant go to parkview homecoming now.. but me and emilie i think are going to dunham together if we get her a dress.. so yayay haha. now i have the opportunity to get a new bf. i dont know if i really need one right now considering if i get one im going to either go back to fucking them over or just care wayy to much.. gah idk i kinda want something new in my life like a real relationship that i hope and believe will last. gah i confuse myself but yeah so the 10day positive thing is over but i wanna try to keep being positive even though i havent really been that positive. now its 1 oclock in the morning and im watching the nanny. hah but good news its cold outside and i like it alot even though i just went outside and froze my ass off. also ive cut down on smoking so yayya lauren :D

charles micheal ruiz

2007-10-10T04:32:13Z

i miss him so fucking much --
i miss my ex boyfriend so much i dont know why now. its maybe because emilie told me to tell him everything like everything i did towards the end of the relationship.. so i imed him and i did kinda and i told i miss him. not only that but i miss us like being friends and casually talking idk he never said anything back he HATES me. i miss him so much -- i miss waking up in his arms and knowing someone is always there for me. i honestly dont think he gives a rats ass.. it hurts so much i miss everything about him and its all my fault that everything didnt workout. i know that im not a person thats good at relationshps but i cant believe im so stupid to let the guy that makes me soo happy slip away becuase of my stupidity.

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-07T00:19:00

2007-10-07T05:27:57Z

so this morning i was woken up at 10:27 by my daddy, his intentions were to get me to go driving with him to go get the 100 lbs od shrimp he wanted. so i did cause im a sweetheart like that. it took us three hours to get the shrimp and thee hours back. i drove the ENTIRE way there and slept the majority of the ride back. so today was pretty lazily busy.. ever since i got home, to my grandmaws, ive been looking for the oportunity to go smoke a cigarette. i only found two and both times i was in the room i stay in over here, too bad it smells signifigantly like smoke.:x hahha i was soo close to telling daddy i smoke today but i didnt. so we got home watched the lsu game, while reading horoscopes and numberology reports. ahha i wish i could have seen boyfriend today -- ir atleast talked to him more we hardly talk half the time and i wish we hung out more becuase i feel like we hardly ever see each other. i mean i am punished but i really want this to work.. FIRST RELATIONSHIP I'VE PUT ATLEAST A LITTLE EFFORT INTO IN A LONG TIME. and it doesnt help i keep on looking at the ex's myspace and thinking he's soo happy with his new gf and im being paranoid as fuck that my boyfriend doesnt like me. i jsut need to chill out, im very aware of this but i jsut cant. haha im watching husrle and flow right now andd today i was so pissed becuase i couldnt go spend te night at emilies. well being punished makes me DEFINATELY appreciate my freedom. oh and a gay 14 year old is hitting on me, weird eh. hahah a

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-05T01:24:00

2007-10-05T06:29:17Z

today has been so increadibly long and isnt even close to over with, none-the-less it wasnt too shabby. i got to hang out with the boyfriend for like kinda long so yayaya lauren i mean i feel kinda bad about lieing to my mom but im punished, what do you expect me to do. but yeah tommorows friday and i believe i am going to my dads.. because im a G like that? hahha and tommorow = spanish test and english retake test and bible verse due. hmm lauren isnt getting any sleeep and today i like started cutting down on cigarettes, thanks to matt taking them away hahaha but yeah it was fun. oh yeah and his friend walked in on us doing stuff -- twice. awkward! hahahha but i'll update tommroow if not later tonight: and the bible being positive thing i think im kinda getting the hang of it :D gah and school website with grades isnt working FUCKKK.

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-03T22:01:00

2007-10-04T03:07:16Z

hmm wendesday. usually known as one of the most hectic days of the school week, due to it being in the middle of the week meaning you have a lot of asignments.. well i have to admit today wasnt the usual wendesday.. besides having quite a fun off hour and getting cigarettes it was pretty pointless. haha so yeah i know kind of negative but hey this place is the only place i can be openly negative, because of that whole no negativity for 10 days.. oh yeah by the way emilie (best friend) totally coppied off my idea of that so we both cant be negative for the remaining 9 days :x this will be interesting. but yeah so tommorow i get to see boyfriend and im really happy considering i have absolutely no life -- i hate punishment. but i guess it just makes me appreciate freedom more. haha im such a fag i care about these things -- gah but yeah so end of first nine weeks ends in like 7 days and i need to pull my grades up . HELLO ADERALL<3 haha.

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-02T17:57:00

2007-10-02T23:03:49Z

so today :
a little bit worthless, but in bible today(and yes i have bible cause i go to a private school that i HATE) but yeahin bible we had to give up something for 10 days and write a jornal about it and i chose being negative, which is going to be a bitch cause recently ive become a pestamist. i would have given up smoking and coffee but id crash! and so ive been dating this guy for like three days and i like him alot but i dont know if he likes me back so we will see where this goes. OHHH and i made an improvement because i ususally "talk" to like three or four boys at a time and dont update anyone on my relationship status except the best friends. but i told like all the other boys that i had a boyfriend which makes them pissed but it makess me feel like a better person.

<33

fatalliarxx @ 2007-10-02T00:23:00

2007-10-02T05:28:27Z

hi im lauren: this is the first time ive done something like this. by that i mean a journal on the internet. hahah im not sure what to say except that right this week is going to be a bitch with all the test i have and shit and the fact i have to pick up my grades ALOT . gah im such a perfectionist it hurts. but yeah im lauren: talk to me <33